Communicating with Grace
Once we have given our due diligence to skillful listening, we enter the arena of communicating grace.
Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
Grace is one of the most significant words in the Bible. To fully understand Grace as It pertains to leadership, we need to view it as God’s etching tool, His hammer and chisel, His skillful hands expertly applied to the clay that shapes and perfects a vessel of honor for His good pleasure. For this lesson, we will define grace in the following manner.
“Grace is God’s influence upon the heart of a believer and how it is ultimately reflected in their life.”
Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
The word corrupt in this passage means “worthless and of no value.” If our words are not ministering grace to the hearer, it shouldn’t be coming out of our mouths. We should constantly judge our words before we speak, asking ourselves, asking ourselves, “Is this going to edify, help, and bless? Am I truly speaking from the Lord’s perspective or just mine? Is my tone right? Are my motives pure?”
Words are powerful. The Bible is full of scriptures that emphasize the power and significance of our words. As leaders, one of our most important responsibilities is to set the standard of good communication and the skillful stewardship of our words.
Proverbs 18:20-21 A man’s stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth; From the produce of his lips he shall be filled. 21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
This reinforces the importance of being a skilled listener, but even more so, the importance of our intimate relationship with God. Our spiritual condition has a profound effect on our ability to communicate the heart of God.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue. As leaders, we can speak words that build, strengthen, and minister God’s grace, and we can also minister words that tear down, destroy, and bring death. It is a responsibility that must be taken seriously. It requires discipline and forethought. It takes strength, patience, and wisdom. One of the most important skills we can develop as leaders is learning how to bridle our tongues.
James 3:2-8 For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. 3Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. 4 Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. 5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.
See how great a forest a little fire kindles! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course ofnature; and it is set on fire by hell. 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. 8 But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
James 1:26 If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.
We must understand that our tongues cannot be tamed; they must be bridled. If we don’t keep a rein on our tongue, we become self-deceived, and our work in the ministry becomes useless.
As a child, my neighbors had several horses. One horse was an absolute terror, biting people at every opportunity, always fighting the other horses, tearing up his stalls, and attacking any animal that got near him.
I remember when they would go horseback riding, the owner’s son would always saddle up this mean horse. Everyone would gather around to see the show because they knew that there was going to be a fight. The owner’s son would mount this horse, and as soon as he hit the saddle, that horse would go berserk trying to buck him off. This would go on for 20 about minutes until the horse was frothing at the mouth, dripping with sweat, and shaking all over from the sheer hatred of the person on his back.
Finally, shaking his head and contorting his mouth from the presence of the bridle and bit, the horse would settle down and allow the owner’s son to guide him anywhere he wanted. This horse could never be tamed, but it could be bridled and made to obey against its will.
Our tongue is just like this mean horse. It will never be tamed entirely and does not want to be bridled. It will resist the restrictions we try to put on it and will always look for opportunities to lash out.
Leaders must remember that grace is God’s influence, not necessarily ours. Remember that God’s influence should be palpable in our speech, which will help us to bridle our tongues and remain humble, gentle, and conscious of what is being imparted in our conversations.
God uses leaders as a mouthpiece to speak to others. God does not take this lightly, and neither should we. What we say and how we say it can be ministering death or life to a person.
Love is the License to Speak the Truth.
2 Timothy 3:16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.
Many times, this scripture is used to justify the Bible bashing, finger-pointing, and judgmental approach to correcting people in the name of God. Usually, it is a self-centered, self-righteous assault on people that comes from not understanding their identity in Christ and opens one up to the influence of religious spirits.
Notice that “all scripture is given by inspiration of God.” God IS love according to 1 John 4:8. So, we can conclude that if our delivery of truth isn’t inspired and motivated by Love, it may NOT profitable for doctrine, it may NOT reprove, it may NOT correct, it may NOT instruct, it may NOT complete, and it may NOT equip. It just cuts, and it cuts deep. Love is the license to speak the truth. If we don’t have genuine love and compassion in our hearts toward the ones we are talking to, we have lost our license to speak on God’s behalf.
An area in which I see emerging leaders often make mistakes is in their delivery of truth. Truth is received in the manner it is delivered. The Word of God is truth. It is also a double-edged sword. Truth should never be delivered with the intention of “straightening someone out” or “putting them in their place.” Let me explain:
Let’s say you love a perfectly cooked rib-eye steak. It may be your favorite food in the world, but if I serve it to you wrapped in a dirty diaper, you aren’t going to eat it. It’s the same with delivering the truth. The word of God is so powerful it can change a life, but it must be palatable, seasoned with salt, full of grace, and delivered in sincere love for it to be received.
If we are not imparting God’s grace, communicating God’s heart, and being a vessel of God’s love, we should remain silent. If we can’t correct that on the spot, we may need to stop and reschedule a time to finish the conversation, giving us time to pray or seek counsel from another leader. Don’t be pressured into speaking when you know your heart isn’t right.
Remember the simple rule from the last chapter: it will keep us from many problems if we apply it.
“When we speak, be sure it’s an improvement on silence.”
Following this rule does a few things,
- It slows the conversation and keeps us mindful of the power and purpose of our words.
- It diffuses conflict that arises from elevated emotions.
- It teaches us the value and power of silence.
- It gives us greater control over ourselves and the entire situation.
- It allows us time to hear from our heart what the Holy Spirit says about the situation.
I believe this is what was happening in John 8:1-11 when Jesus was writing in the sand with His finger while everyone pressed Him for an answer to judge the woman caught in adultery. I think Jesus gave His heart time to hear from the Father and tell Him what to say.
Not being willing to speak until He hears from the Father is a lesson every leader should take to heart. There are few worse feelings than knowing we have hurt one of God’s children with our words.
As leaders, we must think before we speak, selecting words that nurture and build up rather than tear down and destroy. When faced with hostility, we speak gently to diffuse anger and emotions rather than feed them. When faced with uncertainty, we are slow to speak, letting silence speak to the person and God talk to us.
“Godly communication isn’t merely a skill; it is a holy discipline.”
Question: What is the definition of grace as it pertains to communication?
Question: What defines a “corrupt” word in Ephesians 4:29?
Question: What are three things to keep in mind before we speak?
Question: Before we speak, what should our words be an improvement on?
Question: What license must you have before speaking on God’s behalf?
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